Here at YCR we are all about saving women and babies from abortion. But why do I care about the women who choose abortion, leaving life as an option for someone else? Don’t they selfishly go with the choice that’s least embarrassing and complicated for them? The one that seems to be easiest to live with at the time?
I care because I WAS that woman. I believed the lie I was told in the 70s – that an empowered woman had the “right” to do what she wanted with her body, including the dependent child within. I was told that it wasn’t really a baby, but merely had the potential to be one. I was told it wasn’t really selfish to choose abortion – my opportunity to become all I could be without the obligation of a child was what the women’s movement had fought for. No more women compelled to be mothers! Women could be anything at all! Nothing need stand in their way!
But that was a horrible lie, and I paid the price for years because of it. Learning that the fetus inside me already WAS a child wrecked my world. Realizing that I had selfishly put my life over that of my child caused immense guilt and shame. It colored how I saw myself for decades.
God, in His wisdom, placed within women a maternal instinct – there to enable bonding, ensure the child would be taken care of, and bind the mother forever to that child. What is a woman to do when no child exists any longer? Because I can tell you – she is surely still bound to that child.
The guilt and shame led to destructive behaviors, behaviors meant to distract me and reassure me that I wasn’t worthless. But those behaviors brought still more shame and guilt, leading to a seemingly endless cycle of self-defeating actions that merely proved to myself that I was, in fact, a person without value. I felt the weight of exercising my “right” every day.
I found healing, though it took many years. It took a husband who believed in me, and a relationship with my Heavenly Father to convince me that I wasn’t the sum of all my mistakes. He saw me as dearly loved, totally forgiven, and set free of the burden of guilt and shame. Over time, I began to see myself through His eyes.
Because of my experience, I long for other women to find wholeness and healing after an abortion. I know the incredible pain abortion brings, the impact in all areas of a woman’s life it can have, and I know that there can be healing. Healing where a woman has reconciled herself to being broken and one of the walking wounded forever. Healing in relationship with God, who created woman to bear and love their children, but who wants his daughters to come to Him and learn that He is crazy about them!
That’s why I am so passionate for women who’ve experienced abortion to come to YCR and learn that there is hope, healing, and forgiveness for them!